The Poem I Wrote Which Means the Most to Me

It is not easy to be the wife of a Soldier, especially during war.  I remember what a difficult place in life I found myself when I first wrote this poem.  I thought I had made it.  I thought Randy was coming home to stay.  He was not, he had been gone for two years to Afghanistan and Iraq. When he returned I knew he was called to go back with the State Department.  I wrestled with the Lord on that one, but in the end, I knew he was called. I had known from the first conversation we ever had he was called to be a Soldier, a leader, the kind which is becoming more rare all the time.  He is a soft spoken man, and was never one of those loud, gregarious, and overbearing type of leaders.  When one is quietly confident, it usually relates to accomplishments already made, humility which is sincere, and it is a natural by-product of true honor.

He has been gone another three years, and the opportunity for me to join him in Germany is the only thing that has kept me going for a while now.  I cannot wait.

Sometimes  it is difficult to get a gift for a Soldier, I always think very hard about what to get mine.  For Christmas I got him a little canoe.  When he was a kid he would  go fishing with his dad in a little row boat, his dad has been gone many years now, but he still talks about fishing in that boat with his dad.  Now it is time for Valentine's and I decided that carefully  chosen words of admiration and love were fitting,  I wasn't going to share them with anyone but him, but when he read them, he felt they might speak to others as well... and so here for every Soldier, and everyone who loves a Soldier, words from my heart.  To my beloved, Happy Valentine's Day!

If

If there stood before me 1000 men,

Each of whose lives I had observed again and again.

If I had watched them closely at command,

Of Soldiers, equipment, and resources try to meet war’s great demands.

If I knew their lives, credentials, and previous work,

How they handled things, and I were privy to each little quirk.

If the fate of personal liberty, the freedom of us all,

Hung in the balance, and without the right leadership would forever fall.

If there would be before us, only one chance,

To meet in battle some terrible foe, and the art of war to dance.

If by the wisdom and expertise of only one man,

The defenses of our country would fail or stand.

If you, my love, stood among those men in their rows,

The one whom no other I have ever loved so.

If somehow it were my duty the right decision to deliver,

My mind could easily make the choice, but my heart would quiver.

If I knew the man I chose would never come home,

Could I give what it cost, the most valuable thing I own?

If in my decision, would the moral courage by which I have watched you live,

Empower me to do the right thing, and the sacrifice to give.

If as I considered all that lay in the balance, to me you would clearly state,

What your own choice would be and how you would face your fate.

If, as I know would happen, I knew who stood above the rest.

Could I, in selfishness, select the one who was second best?

If there stood before me 1000 men,

This I pray before God, that I never will know how it ends.

 

I Saw the Sad Eyes

 

  

I Saw the Sad Eyes 

I saw the sad eyes of women who had been betrayed,
By those who from honor, never should have strayed.

They could not have known what would come to them,

 Integrity was pledged and they believed without a whim.

In a dark hour their faith and loyalty was shattered. 
Their lives, without regard, left broken and tattered.

 

Time seemed strangled and unable their injuries to mend.
To go on with life seemed to have nowhere to begin.

Then in chorus the sad eyes looked around in panic and pain,
In a moment they knew other eyes revealed the same stain.

                                                                    
 Hearts united and power and change came with more ease,      
 The weakest were lifted first by the women from their knees.

Words and tears were shared and brought balm to their soul wounds.
Slowly in unity they overcame, and the living of lives resumed.

 I saw the sad eyes of women who had been betrayed. 

By those who from honor, never should have strayed.

     

The photos of eyes of women posted as a part of this poem are cropped from pictures taken at the Service Women's Action Network conference in April of 2013. I was privileged to be asked to attend this conference. These women are all survivors of Military Sexual Trauma. There is one exception, the eyes portrayed in black and white at the top of the post, are those of a non-survivor, her father attended the conference, as did several parents of Victims.  Her name was Carrie, she was a Marine, and she took her own life after being unable to cope with the beating and rape she sustained while in service, perpetrated by those serving along side of her.  Her father, a retired Marine works tirelessly to bring justice for her. We gathered to celebrate survival, offer support to one another, to work for change, and to mourn for and remember those who did not survive.  One of our goals was the passage of the Ruth Moore Act, which provides for equal consideration for those Service Members who suffer PTSD due to MST, and provision for the same benefits and services as provided those who suffer PTSD due to combat.  On June 04, 2013, it became law.

Another of our goals was to change how cases of Military Sexual Trauma are investigated and handled, and December of 2013 saw progress in that area as well.  We owe so much to those who serve, our prayers, our love, and our support.  That support should always include demanding that at all times the military operates from a place of sacred duty and honor, and that every Service Member be valued, and promises from our government kept.

Understand

Being acquainted with many, and very close to more than a few military families, I know well the sacrifices they make on a daily basis. Stronger or better people I do not know. Whether they are active duty, reserve, national guard, or retired, they are poured from a different mold, stand a little taller, and will go a lot farther for a person. They bear both the scars and the blessings of their association with the military. It doesn't matter how long ago their service occurred. Millions have served this country, shed blood on foreign soil, and left parts of their hearts there as well. They should be numbered and their names remembered as the patriots of this country that they are, and treated as such. Unfortunately, sometimes, they are not.

I will be the first to admit that among their numbers are some that are none of the things I described. They are few in number, yet they are scattered in among the heroes. Part of the reason these unfit are embedded with the noble lies in the nature of the profession. Our military are professionals in conducting war on behalf of our nation's national security. That, by definition alone, will attract a bully, and maybe even the deranged, an example being the Soldier involved in the attack on Ft. Hood. Then there is the self governing system by which the military operates. From the governance of each Soldier being legally obligated to follow all orders from his superiors, unless they actually break laws, arises the first weapon that can be used against a Soldier by those who abuse power. Make no mistake, a few are attracted to military service by nothing more than the opportunity to have power over other human beings, and seldom do these individuals use their power in anything but conniving and wrangling for yet more power. They would "serve" for free, because their real currency is the "rush" they receive in wielding power. Depending upon what is at the moment being awarded with promotion, hence, attaining more power, they can actually accomplish good. They will set goals toward what ever is being recognized by top military as positive and desirable. This is fairly easy to recognize in an officer, and almost impossible to control. Worse case scenario, the entire Army, and in fact the country, not to mention an individual Soldier and their family, can be damaged or destroyed by either a single, or a series of decisions by these leaders.

As they are "promoted," they become the "promoters," ensuring the procreating of their own kind, and as I said, they can accomplish much, even win wars. Probably the most admired General of all times is George S. Patton. I have no personal knowledge of General Patton, but many have described him as "ruthless." Without a doubt he made a large contribution toward winning WWII. However, I suspect many could have formulated the plans to win WWII, and many could have been the inspiring leadership to execute the formulated plan. I find so much between the lines of his many famous quotes. To me, many of them ring as calculated "sound bites" of a very clever power monger. As an example of what I think are famous quotes more closely related to who Patton was in his heart consider, "All very successful commanders are prima donnas and must be so treated." Then there is this quote, "Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood."

I recently came across the writing of a two star who was endeavoring to school his troops in the worth of living the Seven Army Values. For those of you who are unfamiliar, those include, loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage. He did an "on the fly" poll among Soldiers, and found the most common response to be loyalty. He went on to extol the merits of all the answers and stated they were all of equal value. I disagree with that for the following reason, I have seen Soldiers support a philosophy or concept, which even though it was negative in content and practice, their present leadership embraced. I have even seen a unspoken philosophy or concept that went against written policy and regulation of the United States Army prevail in a unit, because leadership expressed, even in only private, disdain for accepted policy. As a completely hypothetical example, say a one star general states in a planning meeting for family day, "whatever, lets just get the Kum ba yah out of the way." You might then hear from a colonel serving under that general, "Well I'm not looking for a Cadillac kind of Family Readiness Group, I had more in mind a Yugo."

By all written and stated policy and regulation, FRG is to be a "high priority." The Army's position is that family support is of the utmost importance... it wouldn't be in that unit, because loyalty to the man in charge of writing your OER, (Officer Evaluation Report, or something close to that,) might influence what that evaluation contained. A commander is only allotted so many "top blocks" to dole out, and a man who expressed by word or attitude, "All very successful commanders are prima donnas and must be so treated." is probably going to have a unit full of sub-ordinates who emphasize their own disdain of all things Family Support related as being fluff without any real worth, and unworthy of effort. Anyone can figure out what kind of Family Support that unit would offer.

I think Patton considered himself superior in all areas to most men, I suspect all that he accomplished came from the desire to demonstrate the same to the rest of the world. What other kind of thought process spawns a statement such as, "Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood." I found no quotes concerning the price of war, for a nation, or a family in all the quotes I found made by General Patton. "Battle" to me isn't a competition, it is a struggle to defend good against evil, and should never be undertaken for any other reason. I, for one, believe that honor is the "essence of manhood." To me, duty is doing what is expected of you in any given situation by those setting up the rules and the content of the rules, honor is doing, at all cost, and by all that is within a man's ability, what is truly righteous and upright before God and man. In my observance, many a person, including myself has failed honor on behalf of duty. Loyalty represents to me an ever changing landscape of leadership with-in the Army from the lowest level NCO to the highest officer.

That brings me to why I have any right what-so-ever to comment or dare to criticize Army leadership in any way. I am the mother of a Soldier, the wife of a Soldier, my son-in-law is in Afghanistan, it would take too much time to type all the places and times he has deployed and been absent from his girls. One of my son-in-laws was blown off a vehicle he was refueling in Iraq in 2003, as he lay injured he was hit in the shoulder by sniper fire. I remember waiting at the end of the sidewalk as a child, and hiding my eyes thinking when I look up, I will see daddy's truck coming home from "drill." My father almost died of Malaria while serving in the Occupation Forces following WWII. My grand-father, eventually smothered to death, the mustard gas of WWI finally claiming him. My husband has been absent 22 months now from our home, I take exceptional pride in the above associations, ... exceptional pride, their value being immeasurable to me.

As an American who considers myself a patriot, who daily endeavors to support every Soldier serving anywhere, and those who have gone before, I take even more pride in these exceptional men and women who have given so much. I not only take note, but take names, when it is brought to my attention that any one of them has been treated badly by anyone, including, "the Army." I owe them all... where would the nation be if the responsibility would be mine to defend it against our enemies? I am not possessed of what it takes mentally, physically, and emotionally to stand the wall. My protection falls to them, and I am not alone. If you are not one of the protectors, you are one of the protected. Never should a single Soldier ever fear reporting "issues" concerning service, and never should command bend to any personal agenda in the handling of reporting. Never should the physical or emotional health, or claims of lack of health in either of those areas be treated as anything but sacred obligations of those in charge.  These matters should be held as of highest priority, because if they are not, someone has little or no regard to the lives of Soldiers being offered up in "the competition."

I have not been able to sleep considering one young Soldier, his wife, and the rest of his family. My mind can imagine the embarrassment, the concern, the fear, the pain, because I have seen it up close too many times. His name is Spc. Jeff Hanks, of Ft. Campbell, Kentucky. Ft. Campbell may ring a tone of familiarity with you, they had a stand down because of the number of suicides at that base over a period of time, in the not so distant past. I have left numerous posts on their facebook page after researching the situation with this young man. It is the least I can do, as I am in debt that I cannot repay to he and his wife. I wrote a poem concerning my greatest fear for any Soldier experiencing what this Soldier and his family has, and I have a message for him, and any Soldier with any difficulty that threatens to overcome them. You aren't the first and you won't be the last to be treated in this manner by individuals in the Army, but, those individuals are just "employed" by the Army, they do not "belong" to that honorable organization. By the hundreds of thousands, the true band of brothers stands beside you and by the hundreds of millions, Americans stand beside you. Hoo-ah, for all that is honorable about the United States Army and those who proudly serve, and those of their families, who proudly stand behind them!  This poem is dark intentionally, God help the man or woman who ever contributed to all the Soldiers depicted in these words, and their numbers are staggering! 
   

 

UNDERSTAND

After the attack, I joined with the brave who heard the call,

To protect our country from an enemy determined to cause it to fall.

This duty my mind and heart, could completely understand.

Then with my brothers and sisters, I went to a foreign soil.

Together we followed every order, and endured each mission, as on we toiled.

The need for this work I still understand.

I came home, and visions returned of things no man should ever hold in sight.

Always now I must be vigilant and watch for a means of flight.

These things are very difficult for me to understand.

Sometimes my mind begins to falter, and I feel cold fear rise.

I am now someone my family and friends do not recognize.

Of this I have no ability to understand.

Finally, in shame and despair, I went to my commander.

Grasping for words to make this man hear, I could only stammer.

I longed for him to understand.

The expression and tone of the words I received in return,

Have dealt wounds and pain that cause my very soul to burn.

All efforts have failed to cause him to understand.

Since this confession, I know, though long I stood strong,

To my beloved band of brothers I will never again belong.

I have slowly and painfully come to understand.

Tonight in the solitude of this lonely room, I’ll make my last stand.

Summon courage and my life lay down, by my own hand.

For no longer do I have the desire to understand.

Gabby's Poem

I have the most beautiful grand-daughters.  One of them wanted to write a 

poem, and she asked for my help.  I love Gabby's poem.

 Gabby and her mom Beth.

                                                

 Samantha, Gabby's older sister.

Gabby's Poem  

 

Sometimes even a Soldier needs a quiet place to rest,

When he has worked hard and given his best.

Their children at home offer prayers to God above.

Asking Him to send His protection on wings like a dove.

God hears and answers their sweet prayers.

When their petitions are lifted for the fathers who dare.

To face evil enemies who against our country make war.

Freedom and liberty are what they are standing for.

They ask the Heavenly Father their mom or dad to defend,

As the struggle goes on to make the fighting end. 

Two of my grand-daughters are from a military back-ground, including Gabby and her older sister Samantha.Their mother was a Soldier for eight years, and she now works in the civilian side for the Army Corps of  Engineers. Their father will shortly retire with 20 years of service.  The girls just returned last June from living in Germany as their father served the country there in the military, and their mother served in the civilian sector. Their uncle was seriously wounded in Iraq in 2003. Another uncle worked in both Iraq and Afghanistan as a contracted electrician. My husband served 30 years.  Their dad deployed five times during the last 12 years, and will shortly deploy again.  The stress and strain of the last 12 years has led to the dissolving of the marriage of their parents.  I will never forget what Samantha said when she was four, and her dad deployed for the first time.  We were riding in the car to Walmart.  She and her cousin were in the back seat, and had grown quiet.  Sam asked, "Nana, does the enemy have families too?"  I felt my heart catch... and I knew I had to answer honestly.  I told her that probably some of them did.  There was a pause, then she asked, "Nana, if my daddy kills their daddy, who will take care of them?"  I took a very long time to answer, as I was praying... Finally I answered, "We will have to let God take care of them..."
 

Gabby with her dolls.

I Came Home to My Daughter

Aunty Brat, my good friend and fellow supporter of the American and Coalition Forces, sent me a note about a Soldier coming home on leave to see, for the first time, his new baby girl.  She was born while he was deployed.  It brought such beautiful images to my mind immediately, and when I went to Aunty's blog and saw her picture, my heart just melted at her sweet little self.

http://assolutatranquillita.blogspot.com/2011/05/every-day-hero-welcome-home.html

To her parents and all her family, thanks for making my day, and thank you all for your service and sacrifice!  We are a grateful nation!  This is what I sent to the new baby and all those who love her.  May she thrive in your love, always live in liberty, and come to know of your sacrifices to the preservation of freedom.

You know, if Aunty Brat says you are a special Soldier, you must indeed be a special Solider. It is always difficult for me to put into words how I feel about Soldiers and their families. When I try to open a ketchup package, and it is difficult for me, there is a thought that never fails to cross my mind. No matter how much I love my country, if it had to depend on me for for some of the most important of the protection needed from its enemies, we women would all be wearing burqas. We must have young men and women of the caliber and skills which you possess, or our heritage of freedom will disappear.... As the sign on my gate says, "Land of the free, because of the brave."

Since my husband went to war, poetry concerning this great conflict has haunted me until I express it. Your homecoming to your new daughter caused beautiful images in my mind. I wrote words that I hope will comfort and empower your family as you serve. So here is my gift to the new baby:

                                               I Came Home to My Daughter

                                   There she lay, so warm, pink, soft, and sweet.
                                               When first we finally did meet.

                                I saw so much of her mother there in her eyes,
       The stamp of my own features on her countenance threatened to make me cry.

                                 Wonder at the first sight of my darling daughter,
                          Swept my soul, and I knew my life she would forever alter.

                                         Feelings too tender for the battlefield,
                            In that moment caused all my vigilance briefly to yield.

                                   Then I realized more clearly than ever before,
                  I was called to war because of an evil good people everywhere deplore.

                               My newborn child and all the children of the world,
                              Need those of us in service, the flag of liberty to unfurl.

                     In my daughter’s face I saw the hope of our world and our nation,
                           Waiting for her contributions, which true peace will hasten.

                        I knew that in a land far away, where long I had stood the wall,
                      Children were seeing first hand our intent in the service of us all.

       As they watch, I know they too will learn,

                         Their own hearts for peace and liberty will come to yearn.

In this the power of the enemy will disappear,

The truth of all our brotherhood will finally do away with all fear.

So though my heart longs to stay,

I will again return to the war zone in just a few short days.

In my mind, images of her gentle beauty,

Will give me strength and bring complete commitment to my sacred duty.

His Presence His Mother Will Miss

This photo belongs to Sheri Tester

His Presence His Mother Will Miss

Today I read of a young man's vow, and I cried considering this.

A son is leaving home, I know his presence his mother will miss.

I know of such things, and pride and love rose in my own heart.

For someone I have never met, who from home and family will depart.

Sacrifice will be required, and challenges will be many and great.

At home, for his return his family, friends, and mother will wait.

As I have watched those I hold most dear for many years serve,

I know what honor and regard such a selfless commitment deserves.

Today I read of a young man's vow, and I cried considering this.

A son is leaving home, I know his presence his mother will miss.

 This Peace Rose was raised in my garden by the front door.

This poem is for Sheri Tester and her son Steven, January 30, 2014