It is not easy to be the wife of a Soldier, especially during war. I remember what a difficult place in life I found myself when I first wrote this poem. I thought I had made it. I thought Randy was coming home to stay. He was not, he had been gone for two years to Afghanistan and Iraq. When he returned I knew he was called to go back with the State Department. I wrestled with the Lord on that one, but in the end, I knew he was called. I had known from the first conversation we ever had he was called to be a Soldier, a leader, the kind which is becoming more rare all the time. He is a soft spoken man, and was never one of those loud, gregarious, and overbearing type of leaders. When one is quietly confident, it usually relates to accomplishments already made, humility which is sincere, and it is a natural by-product of true honor.
He has been gone another three years, and the opportunity for me to join him in Germany is the only thing that has kept me going for a while now. I cannot wait.
Sometimes it is difficult to get a gift for a Soldier, I always think very hard about what to get mine. For Christmas I got him a little canoe. When he was a kid he would go fishing with his dad in a little row boat, his dad has been gone many years now, but he still talks about fishing in that boat with his dad. Now it is time for Valentine's and I decided that carefully chosen words of admiration and love were fitting, I wasn't going to share them with anyone but him, but when he read them, he felt they might speak to others as well... and so here for every Soldier, and everyone who loves a Soldier, words from my heart. To my beloved, Happy Valentine's Day!
If
If there stood before me 1000 men,
Each of whose lives I had observed again and again.
If I had watched them closely at command,
Of Soldiers, equipment, and resources try to meet war’s great demands.
If I knew their lives, credentials, and previous work,
How they handled things, and I were privy to each little quirk.
If the fate of personal liberty, the freedom of us all,
Hung in the balance, and without the right leadership would forever fall.
If there would be before us, only one chance,
To meet in battle some terrible foe, and the art of war to dance.
If by the wisdom and expertise of only one man,
The defenses of our country would fail or stand.
If you, my love, stood among those men in their rows,
The one whom no other I have ever loved so.
If somehow it were my duty the right decision to deliver,
My mind could easily make the choice, but my heart would quiver.
If I knew the man I chose would never come home,
Could I give what it cost, the most valuable thing I own?
If in my decision, would the moral courage by which I have watched you live,
Empower me to do the right thing, and the sacrifice to give.
If as I considered all that lay in the balance, to me you would clearly state,
What your own choice would be and how you would face your fate.
If, as I know would happen, I knew who stood above the rest.
Could I, in selfishness, select the one who was second best?
If there stood before me 1000 men,
This I pray before God, that I never will know how it ends.
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