Understand

Being acquainted with many, and very close to more than a few military families, I know well the sacrifices they make on a daily basis. Stronger or better people I do not know. Whether they are active duty, reserve, national guard, or retired, they are poured from a different mold, stand a little taller, and will go a lot farther for a person. They bear both the scars and the blessings of their association with the military. It doesn't matter how long ago their service occurred. Millions have served this country, shed blood on foreign soil, and left parts of their hearts there as well. They should be numbered and their names remembered as the patriots of this country that they are, and treated as such. Unfortunately, sometimes, they are not.

I will be the first to admit that among their numbers are some that are none of the things I described. They are few in number, yet they are scattered in among the heroes. Part of the reason these unfit are embedded with the noble lies in the nature of the profession. Our military are professionals in conducting war on behalf of our nation's national security. That, by definition alone, will attract a bully, and maybe even the deranged, an example being the Soldier involved in the attack on Ft. Hood. Then there is the self governing system by which the military operates. From the governance of each Soldier being legally obligated to follow all orders from his superiors, unless they actually break laws, arises the first weapon that can be used against a Soldier by those who abuse power. Make no mistake, a few are attracted to military service by nothing more than the opportunity to have power over other human beings, and seldom do these individuals use their power in anything but conniving and wrangling for yet more power. They would "serve" for free, because their real currency is the "rush" they receive in wielding power. Depending upon what is at the moment being awarded with promotion, hence, attaining more power, they can actually accomplish good. They will set goals toward what ever is being recognized by top military as positive and desirable. This is fairly easy to recognize in an officer, and almost impossible to control. Worse case scenario, the entire Army, and in fact the country, not to mention an individual Soldier and their family, can be damaged or destroyed by either a single, or a series of decisions by these leaders.

As they are "promoted," they become the "promoters," ensuring the procreating of their own kind, and as I said, they can accomplish much, even win wars. Probably the most admired General of all times is George S. Patton. I have no personal knowledge of General Patton, but many have described him as "ruthless." Without a doubt he made a large contribution toward winning WWII. However, I suspect many could have formulated the plans to win WWII, and many could have been the inspiring leadership to execute the formulated plan. I find so much between the lines of his many famous quotes. To me, many of them ring as calculated "sound bites" of a very clever power monger. As an example of what I think are famous quotes more closely related to who Patton was in his heart consider, "All very successful commanders are prima donnas and must be so treated." Then there is this quote, "Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood."

I recently came across the writing of a two star who was endeavoring to school his troops in the worth of living the Seven Army Values. For those of you who are unfamiliar, those include, loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage. He did an "on the fly" poll among Soldiers, and found the most common response to be loyalty. He went on to extol the merits of all the answers and stated they were all of equal value. I disagree with that for the following reason, I have seen Soldiers support a philosophy or concept, which even though it was negative in content and practice, their present leadership embraced. I have even seen a unspoken philosophy or concept that went against written policy and regulation of the United States Army prevail in a unit, because leadership expressed, even in only private, disdain for accepted policy. As a completely hypothetical example, say a one star general states in a planning meeting for family day, "whatever, lets just get the Kum ba yah out of the way." You might then hear from a colonel serving under that general, "Well I'm not looking for a Cadillac kind of Family Readiness Group, I had more in mind a Yugo."

By all written and stated policy and regulation, FRG is to be a "high priority." The Army's position is that family support is of the utmost importance... it wouldn't be in that unit, because loyalty to the man in charge of writing your OER, (Officer Evaluation Report, or something close to that,) might influence what that evaluation contained. A commander is only allotted so many "top blocks" to dole out, and a man who expressed by word or attitude, "All very successful commanders are prima donnas and must be so treated." is probably going to have a unit full of sub-ordinates who emphasize their own disdain of all things Family Support related as being fluff without any real worth, and unworthy of effort. Anyone can figure out what kind of Family Support that unit would offer.

I think Patton considered himself superior in all areas to most men, I suspect all that he accomplished came from the desire to demonstrate the same to the rest of the world. What other kind of thought process spawns a statement such as, "Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood." I found no quotes concerning the price of war, for a nation, or a family in all the quotes I found made by General Patton. "Battle" to me isn't a competition, it is a struggle to defend good against evil, and should never be undertaken for any other reason. I, for one, believe that honor is the "essence of manhood." To me, duty is doing what is expected of you in any given situation by those setting up the rules and the content of the rules, honor is doing, at all cost, and by all that is within a man's ability, what is truly righteous and upright before God and man. In my observance, many a person, including myself has failed honor on behalf of duty. Loyalty represents to me an ever changing landscape of leadership with-in the Army from the lowest level NCO to the highest officer.

That brings me to why I have any right what-so-ever to comment or dare to criticize Army leadership in any way. I am the mother of a Soldier, the wife of a Soldier, my son-in-law is in Afghanistan, it would take too much time to type all the places and times he has deployed and been absent from his girls. One of my son-in-laws was blown off a vehicle he was refueling in Iraq in 2003, as he lay injured he was hit in the shoulder by sniper fire. I remember waiting at the end of the sidewalk as a child, and hiding my eyes thinking when I look up, I will see daddy's truck coming home from "drill." My father almost died of Malaria while serving in the Occupation Forces following WWII. My grand-father, eventually smothered to death, the mustard gas of WWI finally claiming him. My husband has been absent 22 months now from our home, I take exceptional pride in the above associations, ... exceptional pride, their value being immeasurable to me.

As an American who considers myself a patriot, who daily endeavors to support every Soldier serving anywhere, and those who have gone before, I take even more pride in these exceptional men and women who have given so much. I not only take note, but take names, when it is brought to my attention that any one of them has been treated badly by anyone, including, "the Army." I owe them all... where would the nation be if the responsibility would be mine to defend it against our enemies? I am not possessed of what it takes mentally, physically, and emotionally to stand the wall. My protection falls to them, and I am not alone. If you are not one of the protectors, you are one of the protected. Never should a single Soldier ever fear reporting "issues" concerning service, and never should command bend to any personal agenda in the handling of reporting. Never should the physical or emotional health, or claims of lack of health in either of those areas be treated as anything but sacred obligations of those in charge.  These matters should be held as of highest priority, because if they are not, someone has little or no regard to the lives of Soldiers being offered up in "the competition."

I have not been able to sleep considering one young Soldier, his wife, and the rest of his family. My mind can imagine the embarrassment, the concern, the fear, the pain, because I have seen it up close too many times. His name is Spc. Jeff Hanks, of Ft. Campbell, Kentucky. Ft. Campbell may ring a tone of familiarity with you, they had a stand down because of the number of suicides at that base over a period of time, in the not so distant past. I have left numerous posts on their facebook page after researching the situation with this young man. It is the least I can do, as I am in debt that I cannot repay to he and his wife. I wrote a poem concerning my greatest fear for any Soldier experiencing what this Soldier and his family has, and I have a message for him, and any Soldier with any difficulty that threatens to overcome them. You aren't the first and you won't be the last to be treated in this manner by individuals in the Army, but, those individuals are just "employed" by the Army, they do not "belong" to that honorable organization. By the hundreds of thousands, the true band of brothers stands beside you and by the hundreds of millions, Americans stand beside you. Hoo-ah, for all that is honorable about the United States Army and those who proudly serve, and those of their families, who proudly stand behind them!  This poem is dark intentionally, God help the man or woman who ever contributed to all the Soldiers depicted in these words, and their numbers are staggering! 
   

 

UNDERSTAND

After the attack, I joined with the brave who heard the call,

To protect our country from an enemy determined to cause it to fall.

This duty my mind and heart, could completely understand.

Then with my brothers and sisters, I went to a foreign soil.

Together we followed every order, and endured each mission, as on we toiled.

The need for this work I still understand.

I came home, and visions returned of things no man should ever hold in sight.

Always now I must be vigilant and watch for a means of flight.

These things are very difficult for me to understand.

Sometimes my mind begins to falter, and I feel cold fear rise.

I am now someone my family and friends do not recognize.

Of this I have no ability to understand.

Finally, in shame and despair, I went to my commander.

Grasping for words to make this man hear, I could only stammer.

I longed for him to understand.

The expression and tone of the words I received in return,

Have dealt wounds and pain that cause my very soul to burn.

All efforts have failed to cause him to understand.

Since this confession, I know, though long I stood strong,

To my beloved band of brothers I will never again belong.

I have slowly and painfully come to understand.

Tonight in the solitude of this lonely room, I’ll make my last stand.

Summon courage and my life lay down, by my own hand.

For no longer do I have the desire to understand.

Manipulation

 

Manipulation

I watch him manipulate with his euphony,

Change the sounds subtly and images spin.

  Then I hear a strange clearly new symphony.

His instrument held so gently I do not know,

Its' sounds take me where I've never been.

Vistas pass through my mind, and visions grow.

Places I have quietly imagined the sounds reveal,

His notes in my mind deftly paint a green glen.

Quiet serenities over my soul slowly steal

Just as I fall under the spell of the new melody,

Again change falls softly a fresh place to begin.

Dance and movement come with this new revelry.

I watch him manipulate with his euphony,

Change the sound subtly and images spin.

Then I hear a strange clearly new symphony.

I Saw the Sad Eyes

 

  

I Saw the Sad Eyes 

I saw the sad eyes of women who had been betrayed,
By those who from honor, never should have strayed.

They could not have known what would come to them,

 Integrity was pledged and they believed without a whim.

In a dark hour their faith and loyalty was shattered. 
Their lives, without regard, left broken and tattered.

 

Time seemed strangled and unable their injuries to mend.
To go on with life seemed to have nowhere to begin.

Then in chorus the sad eyes looked around in panic and pain,
In a moment they knew other eyes revealed the same stain.

                                                                    
 Hearts united and power and change came with more ease,      
 The weakest were lifted first by the women from their knees.

Words and tears were shared and brought balm to their soul wounds.
Slowly in unity they overcame, and the living of lives resumed.

 

 I saw the sad eyes of women who had been betrayed. 
By those who from honor, never should have strayed.

     

The photos of eyes of women posted as a part of this poem are cropped from pictures taken at the Service Women's Action Network conference in April of 2013. I was privileged to be asked to attend this conference. These women are all survivors of Military Sexual Trauma. There is one exception, the eyes portrayed in black and white at the top of the post, are those of a non-survivor, her father attended the conference, as did several parents of Victims.  Her name was Carrie, she was a Marine, and she took her own life after being unable to cope with the beating and rape she sustained while in service, perpetrated by those serving along side of her.  Her father, a retired Marine works tirelessly to bring justice for her. We gathered to celebrate survival, offer support to one another, to work for change, and to mourn for and remember those who did not survive.  One of our goals was the passage of the Ruth Moore Act, which provides for equal consideration for those Service Members who suffer PTSD due to MST, and provision for the same benefits and services as provided those who suffer PTSD due to combat.  On June 04, 2013, it became law.

Another of our goals was to change how cases of Military Sexual Trauma are investigated and handled, and December of 2013 saw progress in that area as well.  We owe so much to those who serve, our prayers, our love, and our support.  That support should always include demanding that at all times the military operates from a place of sacred duty and honor, and that every Service Member be valued, and promises from our government kept.

Betrayed Soldier

There are Soldiers who are betrayed by the ones they leave behind when they go to fight a war.  In truth, there are all kinds of infidelities which can creep into the relationships of military families.  General David Patraeus, despite all his accomplishments, will forever be remembered as the poster child of betrayal on the part of a Soldier toward a supportive spouse.   Spouses bear their own sacrifices required of service.  Then there are those Soldiers of every rank, who while they are deployed, learn that the one they love has not been faithful.  Their marriages or relationships often become tragedies of war.

Recovering from a broken marriage is difficult for anyone, but our military families have borne the stress of so many deployments and separations.   With the strains of the Service Member conducting war, the dissolving of their relationships can be more dramatic than most.  Many of the Service Members have seen atrocities, watched those serving beside them sustain injuries, and of course some have lost the one serving beside them to a combat casualty.  What I have observed as even more difficult for many, is the loss of someone who has served next to them to suicide. 

Of course the spouse and children left behind face challenges of their own.  The girlfriend or the boyfriend as well will live in a strain that is not conducive to the strengthening of the relationship.  All of these experiences contribute to placing great struggles upon the marriages and relationships of our military and their families.  Even with all of the negative which threatens the military family, most grow stronger from meeting their challenges, and those who do grow stronger gain a unique courage to meet life's greatest trials.  That serves to make them even stronger than they were before war came to their lives.

Still there are those who will need the support of family and friends after having survived the battle field, and then being wounded by the loss of a relationship.  I offer no explanations, judgements, or thoughts on the behavior of those who betray.  However, I am confident that one day, He Who Sits on the Throne will judge their actions rightly.  This is a very dark poem about unimaginable pain of the heart.  These kinds of wounds can be as deadly as IEDs and bombs.

Milling faces took my breath today,

Made me ask could she our love betray.

She said she meant to take the images away.

That told me she knew it was wrong that day.

The pictures were made on a day in May,

All this time she had allowed them to stay.

She will never know the price I have had to pay,

While I went to war and she stayed.

My heart aches and I can’t hold the tears at bay,

I feel loneliness has been my constant companion always.

This pain holds me captive in its sway.

I cannot escape; my world has gone dark and gray.

Her words to me a love story do not portray.

I think never will I feel loved again in any way.

I cannot in this world I am in, where all there seems to be is pain,

See within myself or anywhere, something I have the desire to gain.

Daily all around me there are those who escape this world's ultimate despair.

In this solitary place I have the means and courage their fate to share.

True Intent

The men in the picture below are American and Danish Marines.  This photo belongs to Buzzy Sorensen of the Royal Danish Navy.  He has long served in Afghanistan, he attended the American Naval Academy, and has also served as an American Marine. He was wounded in the present conflict early on while serving as an American Marine.  He is a pilot, and he and his twin brother were born two weeks before my own twin sons.  I have followed his service on Facebook where I first made his acquaintance, and come to greatly respect him and his countrymen who serve along side of him.  Often he posts images from war that deeply move me.  This is the second poem I wrote from the inspiration and story of one of the images he posted.  These Warriors saw an Afghan civilian wounded by an IED, and after they called for a chopper to evacuate the wounded man, the area around him was still taking sniper fire, so in their protective gear they formed a human shield over the wounded man's body. Not only were they protecting him against being shot, but they were protecting his gaping wounds from the "dust off" of the arriving medical helicopter.  Some men are possessed of uncommon courage, and in that courage, the true intent of their service is revealed.

         
True Intent


The picture finds them crouched in the dirt of foreign soil,
Many a mile they have walked in the heat, and still on they have toiled.

An enemy dark and sinister, with evil intent they do hunt,
And then with deadly force they valiantly confront.

Fierce and foreboding in their equipment and gear,
Lethal to the threat of the enemy, they instill a chilling fear.

The civilians who watch have little reference to these Soldier’s intent,
Only having known the tyrant’s agenda to give them hint.

For wives and mothers, sisters and brothers, they have left home,
The mountains of this foreign country to roam,

In search of a threat which leaves the freedom of the whole world at stake.
Their duty and mission they will never forsake.

But now they provide protection for someone inside their human wall.
In the tracking of the enemy, they witness an innocent victim fall.  

The wicked explosive device of the cruel terrorist’s hand,
Brings out the true heart and purpose of this warrior band.

Not only do they stand for those they left behind,
Their lives they risk yet again for the good of all mankind.

This stranger, of another nation, lies wounded and exposed,
Testimony is given by their huddled bodies that they are true heroes.

God keeps account of how each individual’s life is spent.
And at the end will reveal each person’s heart and true intent.

He has foreshadowed His words concerning these, the valiant,
When He said, “Well done thou good and faithful servant.”

Did You See That Blue Moon Tonight?

Did You See That Blue Moon Tonight?

                          

 OOOOOhhhh, AAAAAhhhh, that Blue Moon thing....

Blue Moon

Did you see that rare blue moon tonight,

In the sky of the land where they fight?

As I gazed up I thought longingly of you,

When you saw it, did you think of me too?

War has taken you my Soldier, far from me,

You left, and I never knew how long it would be.

When you are gone it leaves a hole in my heart,

How I wish we never had to be apart. 

 Now I wonder will I see you sometime soon,

I realize sadly, only once in a blue moon.

I love you and miss you Randy.... 

Young Women With Dark Eyes and Dark Hair

 One of my favorite poems is one of the first I wrote.  After I read a story about  several young Afghan women who had joined the Afghan National Army, and who were training to be pilots, I wanted to pay tribute to them.  What amazing courage and selfless service for their country, and all women of the Middle East, their service represents!  I know what opposition and threat by some, it will bring to their lives. With these words I hope I honor these young women as they stand in courage and strength. I offer my poem of tribute to the young pilots, and all the brave women of Afghanistan, who have endured much.

Young Women With Dark Eyes and Dark Hair

Who are these young women with dark eyes and dark hair,
With beauty that runs so deep, and courage rare?

From what cloth were they cut, and where was it woven?
Who was the Artist from whose mind the colors were chosen?

 Of what fiber is the cloth and thread made,
That forms their true hearts which when they were bade,

By whispers to their souls of service to their country and us all,
Without hesitation bid them answer that call?

The fibers from which those threads took shape,
Were grown by the people of their nation who do not hate.

The seeds were planted in the soil by their fathers.
Then the fibers were collected at harvest by their brothers.

The thread of hope was spun by the hands of their skilled mothers.
None gave heed to the threats of others.

Then they were woven by their sisters, whose lives will be forever changed,
By the steps that they take and the destiny they arrange.

Finally from the Artist's hand, priceless treasure, a gift from Afghanistan,
Came to the people of the world who desire only with honor to stand.

Their mark and place in history their names will take.
When their life's work is made for the peace that lies at stake.

Who are these young women with dark eyes and dark hair,
With beauty that runs so deep, and courage rare?

Alone, All, All, Alone

One of the most outstanding characteristics of PTSD is the overwhelming sense of being isolated.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, was originally termed and officially diagnosed in Soldiers coming home from Viet Nam, but Soldier's Heart, as it was called during the American Revolution and the Civil War, has been recognized since Biblical times.  It also is suffered by persons who experience other traumatic type incidents in life.  The feelings are often the same.  I have had so many Soldiers, and even their family members, describe how alone they feel.